White as snow...

I spent the majority of the day playing in the snow and eating. And I loved it! But, while I was sitting in the snow, enjoying the beautiful of the moment, I thought of God's love. God has forgiven my sins, and my heart is as white as the fluffy snow I was sitting in. All the sad and painful memories are washed away. Life hasn't turned out the way I wanted, I am so blessed that it hasn't. God's plans are more marvelous than I know. God has something extraordinary for you and me. What I had planned was nothing special. I don't know what is yet to come, but I have faith.

This is been such an interesting year so far, God has given me the strength to face the world, the courage to speak the truth, and forgiveness when I fail.

I want to be in tune with God's voice, in the midst of the loud chaos, I want to hear His voice and follow where He leads. I had felt for past few months to apologize to someone, though my friend was unaware of what I felt, I was burdened with it until I said something. I am relieved and have a clear conscious. Though, I don't know how the person took it, the truth will set you free. I had done my part, I spoke as God told me. So I am free to keep living, free to move on, free to follow God.

Do not despise the day of small beginnings....

After rainstorms comes blessings...

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ." 1 Pt 4:11

How many times have the words out of my mouth been hurtful and brought words of death? Too many. This verse has really convicted me. I pray that what I say will speak of God's love. God has given me strength to serve and love others, I just have to stop being so self-absorb so that I can see others in need and in pain. Lord, open my eyes so I can see the world as You do, and give me compassion to embrace it with love.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Pt 4:12

Instead of wallowing in the painful past, face it with joy, God is revealing His glory to you. You are not alone in your struggles. I am in this place in my life for a reason, and when one trial is overcome, God gives me a new lesson. So that I can continually grow in Him and one day see His glory. Don't look at a painful trial as a negative sign, but see God's good in it. Though some may run and hide when it becomes too much. God's grace and love can get you through. Only with His grace, love and mercy, I am here today.

Though one day I will be forgotten, may God's light that shines through me never be.

During my devos this week, I came across a verse that really got me thinking. Here is the verse "Therefore I urge you to imitate me." In the context Paul is talking to the people of Corinth, telling them to watch what he does and copy him, so he can show them how to live like Christ.

So my thought is, would I want someone following me around and copying me? Would I want someone imitating my walk with God, in order to strengthen their relationship with Him. My first instinct is NO. That troubles me. I should be living my life, that I wouldn't care if people copy me, but I am not. The words out of my mouth don't always bring works of life, aren't always truth. I don't spend as much time with God as I would like. I have been doing a lot of mediating and reflecting on the things in my life that I need to change.

I want to live in such a way that others want to do as I do. I am no where close to that. When someone looks at me, I want them to see God's love. Its a big deal to have someone imitating you. Does your life reflect what you want it to? People are watching, do you like what they see? This is a great opportunity for me to continue to grow. Yay for new opportunities and chances, God's grace covers my faults.



On a side note: I have come to the realization that people who say they are still young and just want to have fun and aren't pursuing any purpose to life, are perpetually putting off responsibility to grow up. You never know how long you have on earth, so don't put off what you can do now.

No pain. No gain.

2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

What a great promise! All the things I am learning and growing from are making me a stronger person. I am becoming more dependent on God, and realizing all the things that I had been blinded from before. I guess during the moment you can't see the big picture until you have come out the other side. I wish sometimes that I knew the future, but then where is the excitment of life and the dependency on God day in and out. God's plan is clearly better than my own, I still have hopes and dreams, but God has given me a purpose. Too many people don't know what they are supposed to be doing, they wander through life, trying everything until they become bored with it. If they would only seek God for his direction, they would find fulfillment.

There is a season for everything. Don't waste it. Enjoy each moment and look for ways to help others. I am glad that the trials and difficulties I have faced made me better and strengthened my relationship. Instead of losing myself and not knowing what I want. I found who I am and what I need. God is good. Still so much to learn...

Is it worth it?

I am frustrated. I am sick of people lying and not keeping their promises. I mean I understand if something comes up and you can't do what you said you. But if you know you wont ever do it, why lie to me and say you will? Not only are you hurting me, you are hurting yourself as well. I am just disappointed. No one is perfect, but that doesn't give you permission to act like a jerk. Anyways off my soapbox.

I am embracing the new season in my life. While it was painful to learn this lesson, I have grow so much. Thanks God for not giving up on me, like so many others have. You have given me a perfect example of real love. I learned whats worth fighting for and what is not. I learned when to give up and when to never let go. I am not the same person I used to be, and thankfully that is an improvement.

How I feel

Today was mostly a good day, had lunch with a good friend and spent some quality time together. But part of it kinda sucked. I felt oppression or perhaps depression. Some things are so hard to accepted, even when it is staring me in the face. I am tired of living in this man made hell of mine, where I am tortured by the past. I am dying to this old self, and waiting to be made new. Where hopes and dreams rest, where my heart finds peace. There is more to life than how I am living. Change is happening, and I need to embrace. Time to be proactive. Time to live. I will live without regrets. No more dwelling on the past. The past will stay where it is supposed to be. Goodbye old life.

"I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is hehind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14

Just another day

Have you heard the new Carrie Underwood song 'Temporary Home'? Well I want to learn it. I found piano sheet music for it online, I just have to print off. I am also wanting to take voice lessons, because playing the piano and singing is harder than I thought.

This is definitely going to be a year of growing. This next semester will probably be my least favorite clinical rotations-mental health and labor and delivery... blah.

I am one of those people who expects to have mastered everything on the first try. Sometimes I have been successful, but more often than not, I fail. I think it really makes a person if they stick to it and try hard, so that is my goal this year. I was talking to a friend about everything I wanted to accomplish this year, and she laughed saying I had made my bucket list at such a young age. But in all honestly, its only a small list for a year. There is so much I want to achieve and do in my life, if God allows me.

This last year as taught me so much about grace. Grace to look past unexpected hurts and disappointments. Grace to face an unknown future. Grace to live in the moment.

I wonder what this year will hold for me....

Here I go

So I have been wanting to start a blog for awhile now, and have waited for the new year to start. I love writing and expressing my thoughts through words. And this happens to be a good avenue to ramble about ideas, dreams, and desires. So with that in mind. Here I go.

I am determined with all of my heart, to make this the best year ever. I am putting aside my fears, opinions of others, and that annoying sense of self-preservation. While still at starbucks today I made a list of everything I wanted to accomplish this year, things I generally would not have tried or never felt like finishing. Most of them aren't crazy ideas, merely things I have never taken the time to do.

The purpose of this is learn more about myself, my determination, and strengthen my love for God. Hopefully this blog will narrator my growth as a person, and will be a reminder to me to accomplish that which I set out to do. God has put me here for a reason, and I am determined to make the most of it. So please join me on my adventure called life.